Eat To Win On Super Bowl Sunday!

Make a football shaped cake! Laces out, Dan!

My perfect Super Bowl Party? It would involve an open fire pit, a La-Z-Boy Clayton LUXURY LIFT® Power Recliner (with heat and 6-motor massager), an 80-inch TV, the Detroit Lions, a never-ending bowl of Doritos, and an experimental chef proficient in everything from pizza to profiteroles. In other words, food, comfort, roasted meats … and the Detroit Lions. 

Unfortunately, I can’t control all of those elements – except food. My couch is my couch, my TV is my TV, my landlord won't let me light a fire in my apartment, and the Lions are awesome, but not in the Super Bowl. But! I still have one week to plan an excellent, epic Super Bowl feast. Here’s a food timeline for next Sunday*:

9 a.m.

You’ll need to condition your stomach for a feast, so start stretching early. A bagel sandwich honors the New York Giants and your taste buds. Slice, toast, and butter a bagel (salt is my favorite, followed by cinnamon-raisin), pile high with lox, tomatoes, eggs, bacon, cheese. Pair with coffee, of course.

The Chicago Metallic Pizza Crisper, $6 for a better crust.

12 p.m.

It is pizza time. It is also chicken time. Hopefully you’ve made about 56 gallons of Buffalo sauce (butter + Frank’s), so add some to your pizza sauce. Slather it on the pizza, top with Monterey jack cheese and bits of buffalo chicken (preferably cooked on Saturday and refrigerated overnight). Plop it on your Chicago Metallic Pizza Crisper (on sale for $6) in a 500-degree oven, cook, then eat. Buffalo wing pizza is a New York thing, too, giving you another chance to honor the Giants.

1 p.m.

Shoot, that pizza was good. But you need something cool to wash it down. How about a margarita? Frozen or on the rocks, sit back and sip on that that frosty drink as Bob Costas’ pre-game analysis washes over you.

2 p.m.

The game is about to begin, which means it's snack and dip time (snacks defined as salty, starchy, nutty, from a bag, or quickly cooked). You’re going to need Doritos, honey roasted peanuts, popcorn popped in bacon grease, sour cream and onion dip (SCOD), Ruffles, tortilla chips, salsa, guacamole, some kind of crazy chip style (like Utz crab chips), and cashews. Pile high in chips bowls and nut bowls, serve on trays, and watch all that food disappear.

Henry Ford would be proud: now one man can make 3 sliders in one swoop for only $5

5 p.m.

By now, you’re going to want to bring in the big guns: scorched meat, deep-fried and cheese coated vegetables, small but powerful sandwiches. You should’ve halted your snacking at around 4 p.m., giving you enough time to digest. But after pizza, bagels, beer, and endless handfuls of chips, you’re probably realizing the spatial limits of your innards. Buck up! Choose just 3 or 4 main course items. Me? I go for Buffalo wings (I made 56 gallons of sauce!), jalapeno poppers, nachos, and pork/beef sliders with melted provolone. I love nachos, and I think I have a good technique: roast tortilla strips on a baking sheet for 5 – 10 minutes at 450 degrees; take them out of the oven and add cooked ground beef, cheddar, mozzarella, diced jalapenos, pineapple salsa, lime juice, cooked pinto beans, plus salt, pepper and cinnamon to taste. Toss (gently) together for even distribution, and then cook at 450 for another 10 – 15 minutes. I like my tortilla chips charred, so bake to your liking.

6:30 p.m.

You’re full up to your eyes and there’s a wasteland of dirty, empty plates in front of you. What now? Dessert, of course. I don’t care how full you are, the deliciousness of sugar will make your mouth water after hours of eating salty snacks And if your team is losing, you’re looking to drown your sorrows (in sugar). Appropriately, I found this recipe for Hoosier pie, honoring the site of this year's Super Bowl. Make sure you buy a nice, deep pie pan, because a deep pie is a delicious pie.

7:30 p.m.

You worked so hard all-day, masticating, digesting, and walking from the kitchen to the TV room. So, it’s time for bed. We hope you’re taking Monday off, because there are a lot of dishes to do – and at least 4 leftover sliders to finish.

Need to stock up on gadgets and serving items for your Super Bowl party? Buy from Chef Tools today and get it in time for Sunday. We have everything you need, from slider presses to pizza pans!

*Pacific Standard Time. East Coasters, Midwesterners, Southerners, and Rocky Mountainites should adjust accordingly. None of this applies to San Franciscans or Baltimoreans.